Susie Bright's Journal

A Much-Needed Reality Check About the Luka Rocco Dismemberment-Murder-Kitten Case

1. Luka Rocco Magnotto is neither a porn "star," NOR a porn actor, NOR a model. He has never made a film or a professional video in any capacity. 

He may have aspired to these things. He was delusional by his own and others' accounts. But he was never employed by, or worked with, any movie company-- his efforts in front of his own camera are the only evidence of his moving image in public.

Luka paid pro photographers on the fly to take head shots; he published his own videos and stills on the his own web sites. 

The only videos anyone has seen of him (so far) are of sadistic animal and human murder, not "sex scenes" as one would describe in an erotic movie.

2. Luka was a prostitute, albeit an unsuccessful one. He is starving, literally.

3. To call this man "gay," or "bi," suggests some kind of consummated adult sexual life with other people. 

But that doesn't seem to be the case.

The rare "customers," (one tragic critique on a john-review site) and even rarer people he dated (see the gay and French-Canadian press for best coverage) report that Luka didn't "have sex" -- he was seemingly paralyzed or too catatonic to do anything in bed. 

To Luka's short-lived friends, he reported traumatic incest with his mother, and mental illness. People who met him casually (hitchhking, etc.)  noticed he was disturbed.

Born under the name Eric Newman, Luka R-M is alienated from his family. It seems that the one man who knew him slightly, he killed. Interestingly, there is no information about his victim, none. There is more information about the massacred kittens than there is about this man.

Labels are pretty deceptive. But I don't know any word for Luka except "extremely dangerous and damaged adult, history of severe childhood abuse."

3. Investigators and magistrates are talking about inate evil, about a man lacking "a moral gene," and "serial killer DNA." 

But there is no proof, not remotely, of any of these things. There never has been. That's like saying the devil made him do it. 

4. There is no evidence Luka knew Karla Homolka, let alone dated her. The Montreal police have taken back that first reckless statement. His celebrity obsessions were entirely of his own imagination.

Aside from the shock of this case, and the tragedy, I know that gay and bisexual people, and sex workers and erotic actors/models, EVERYWHERE, are cringing. 

So are mental health pros and seasoned reporters, the few that are left. 

We are all hoping that the sensation of these murders will not be exploited by political opportunists and the con-artists of the right.

So far, not so good.

Big Sex (Little Death) for Professors - Exam and Desk Copies For Your Perusal

To My Friends and Colleagues in the Academy:

My memoir, Big Sex Little Death, is now available in paperback, available for the Fall 2012 semester.

You may request exam or desk copies here, at PerseusAcademic.

Many of you have asked me if the paperback would be available for your upcoming reading lists. It is! — and also in Kindle. Please pardon the publicist-patter, but here's the summary:

Bright is a pioneering theorist and activist who co-founded On Our Backs magazine, launched an erotic literary fiction movement (Herotica, Best American Erotica)—and broke new ground in the 4th Estate and the University on the politics of erotic representation.

Now in her 50s, Bright’s memoir lays out how she came to be in the center of the most difficult and violent debates of the sex wars— and why she still finds herself on the cutting edge of sex, gender, and culture.

Her insights into lesbian history, the feminist sex wars, the politics of sexual outliers, the origins of "sex-positive feminism," crusades against pornography and sex work— all amount to a living history of sexual knowledge and politics. 

The daughter of two of American’s first generation of modern linguists, Bright became a full-time activist in her teens— a FBI-targetted socialist, a labor organizer, and on the ground floor of women’s liberation of the early 70s.

 In the wake of the New Left’s collapse, Bright joined the gay and lesbian forces who mobilized in California in 1978 and changed the course of gay politics....

  

During my (hardback) campus book tour last year, I discussed our mutual and evolving coursework in the history of sexuality Those conversations were all too short, and I would love to continue them, at your leisure!

 

All best,

Susie Bright

 

The Fisting ABC's

0ne of the great misunderstood characters of the world is the woman-loving fist fucker. Her—or his— sexual technique of inserting her whole hand in her lover's cunt is considered physically impossible by some, and bizarre to others.

To those uninitiated to the pleasures of handballing, I invite you in. Don't be ashamed of your sexual inexperience; just remedy it. For those of you who are veteran pussy handlers, grab your lube, because we're about to go public.

If you get aroused through vaginal penetration, you will like being fisted. But if you have never been truly thrilled by fucking, fisting may turn the key. If you are partial to mindshattering orgasms, fisting is a one-way ticket. If you always wanted to have a girl in the palm of your hand—well, here you go.

Fisting, if you had to compare it to anything else, is a natural extension of finger fucking. One day your cunt is hungrier than usual, and three fingers just aren't enough. Not four or five, either.

Putting your curled-up hand in your lover's vagina is intimate. You are all the way inside of your lover; her body is wrapped around your fist like a cocoon. You can feel every tremor originating from her cunt, her ass, and her womb— and she can feel every tiny movement your fingers make. Just twisting your wrist is like the earth moving inside her. If this sounds romantic, you're right. Fisting is incredibly romantic.

Now that we've established the pleasure principle, let's look at some of the misunderstandings.

Vaginal fisting is a whole different activity than anal fisting. The lining of your anus and rectum are very delicate, and while the vagina is not made of steel, it is a tough old broad by comparison.

The anxiety about anal sex often focuses on the possibility of infecting a cut or scratch with feces, but the vagina presents a completely different environment. What this means is that some of the precautions one would normally take with any kind of ass fucking are not relevant to vaginal fisting.

It is not necessary to cut and file your fingernails. It's common sense to keep your claws curled under, whether you're using one finger or five. Wash your little paws like any decent lover would, and if you're worried about infection, or your fingertips getting pruny from the wet heat of your lover's cunt, use a pair of elegant, black, surgical gloves. They're thin enough that you can feel everything, and yet you'll both be protected. I actually like these better than skin, they're so smooth and buttery.

Another myth is that fisting is an S/M activity. Please. Anything can be eroticized by an S/M approach or attitude, but simply lying back and taking it does not make one a "bottom" any more than fucking your lover makes you a "top." A fisting has more in common with petting below the waist than it does with a good whipping.

Continued in Susie Sexpert's Lesbian Sex World, "Fisting"

 

Photo: is cropped. Full photo by Morgan Gwenwald, from "Nothing But the Girl."

A Behind the Scenes Note to My Readers and Friends: The Tiny Critical Mass

As you know, I just published a new book, my first book with my 21-year-old daughter Aretha.

It's a laugh-out-loud, scream-in-the-middle, fairly-mindblowing story about our time together as a mother-daughter team of sex-advice columnists.

It's also the first sex-talk book ever written for young adults and parents that isn't about pregnancy and disease control. Which is kind of amazing.

But you don't have to be so serious. Our fans tell us that it's great to read over the breakfast table OUT LOUD and watch your beloved's milk blow out of their nose.

So, here's what we need to do now:

Build a Tiny Critical Mass. 

We need to get at least a couple dozen people (shockingly, this means you!) to buy the book for $8.99 and write a brief customer review on the main sales page... its Amazon page, to be exact. 

When a small group of people buy and review a book these days, the ripple is enormous. It's as spectacular as rabbit breeding. But it has to start somewhere!

 

Buy the book right now. It's $8.99.

It's short... you can read lickety-split, or skip around to your favorite parts. 

Write a quick customer review in the next 5 days. Don't overthink it!-- just blurt it out. 

Send me a link or a note telling me your review is up.

I'll put your name in a hat, with the other beloved reviewers. On May 28, we're pulling one name out of the hat. You could win: an iron chastity belt. —Or a Magic Wand. Your choice!

I have 20,000 "friends" on Facebook and Twitter— but as everyone knows, real friends and colleagues know when it's time to take action. It's Saturday, let's do it.

I love supporting authors and artists I admire— it's such a little thing to do on my end, and it makes such a huge difference.

Thank you for supporting our book, supporting sex-positive education, and having a nice feeling about life.  I CAN'T WAIT to hear what you think of our stories! 

Love,

Mommy

 

Photo: One of my favorite book covers, "No Excuses," about race car driver Sheila Van Damme. She and her motto are my inspiration!

The Girl Talk You Never Heard in Public Before

 

This is way better than Mother's Day Brunch.

My daughter Aretha and I have written our first book: Mother/Daughter Sex Advice.

Remember back in 2010, when Aretha and I started a column at Jezebel.com?

It was insane--  readers flooded us with explicit dilemmas about sexual pleasures and disasters, body issues, dating, relationships, and young marriage.  

Our answers... well, first of all, they cracked us up. Then we got serious. The reaction was everything from applause to tar and feathers.

Who can forget:

“Dumped After 4 Years... and Still a Virgin”

“Will I Ever Get Used To Anal Sex?”

 “I Have A Tendency To Throw Up Every Time My Boyfriend Comes In My Mouth”

The Boy Who Didn’t Like Doggie

“How Can I Get My Girlfriend to Shave Her Pubic Hair?”

“I’m A Girl Who Comes Too Fast”

We were 52 and 19 when we started writing together.  We had ground rules-- like hand signals when things got TMI. We're both private people— there is no way we would've discussed these things about ourselves.

But this was about OTHER people. —a brilliant way to not step on each other's toes. We each took writing turns with the same questions, and that’s when I found out how strongly Aretha felt about subjects we'd never discussed before. 

Here I thought I was being a "counselor" to countless women and men I didn't know— but it actually affected the two of us, more than anyone.

Mothers have always cautioned daughters about sex. The typical chat is supposed to be about menstruation, pregnancy, disease-control. —Worthy topics to be sure! But there is a LOT more to sex and love and adventure than THAT.  

This is our "Beyond-Our-Bodies-Ourselves" moment. It's time sex-positive families got a chance to talk about what really comes up in life! -- it isn't simple or moralistic.

So, this is where YOU come in:

Write a Review -WIN an Iron Chastity Belt! 

1. Post a quick customer review on Amazon by May 25!

Email us a link to any Amazon review you post about our book, and we’ll put your name in a May 28 drawing for a deluxe iron chastity belt! — Or a Hitachi Magic Wand. (Your Choice).  

Yes, the chastity belt is real.  

 

2. Take your shot on GoodReads-- deadline May 25 

Do you write about your reading list on Goodreads, Library Thing, Reddit, The Well?

Send us a link to your review and we’ll put your name in a May 28 drawing for a complete set of Susie and Aretha’s 7 all-time favorite sex-advice books .

 

3. Attn: Blog Sluts Who Can’t Shut Up & Journalists Under Fire 

Yes, we want your critique, your dissection, your interview.

Let’s make a date to run a story and we’ll give you all the goodies you need: photos, excerpts, uncensored interviews!

We’re available to  you all this month, until May 28.  Email us: motherdaughtersexadvice@gmail.com

 

 

 

Legendary "Edward Penishands" Producer Christian Mann Answers Susie's Porn Movie Quiz

Ladies and Gents, 
I present to you the Porn/Hollywood Movie Quiz answers of Christian Mann, one of the 
folk heroes and erotic-film-producer-wunderkinds of our times, probably known to many 
as a Golden-and-Beyond-Age Adult Movie Producer and 1st Amendment activist. 

He is one of my mentors, and I can't tell you how much I've learned from him over the 
years.

Christian is a 2nd-generation sex-film entrepreneur. His father, Kurt Mann, created some 
of the first "wrestling mags," nudie mags, and stag film productions and distribution. I 
met Christian when he was managing (gay) Catalina Films, but he went on to innovate in 
multi-culti and black Adult movies, as well as productions too numerous to count. 

He was the producer of "Edward PenisHands,"' the best porn parody ever! He is now part 
of the main engine of Evil Angel productions. Here are his answers to our movie quiz.

Posted by Susie, on behalf of Christian Mann

1. Quote Quiz
“C” must be Jim Holliday. I assumed it before I saw the writer’s names. I can hear him 
now-- coughing, smoking, drunk. He always called me “Don Christian,” a short-lived 
pseud I used when I “directed” a bi-sexual movie for Catalina Video. 

The best opening line of a eulogy ever: John Holmes’ funeral, 1988… Jim Holliday’s 
started with: “John Holmes was a liar.”

2. The First Time You Peered Into a Peep Show— What Did You See?
A woman billed as “Morgan LaFey” wearing a corset, boots, and a garrison cap. Short 
shaggy hair like Freddy Mercury circa late 70’s.

It was at Frenchy’s K&T and I was there with Ken Kuhns, the owner’s son. I couldn’t react
because I was dating his sister Sandy, but I was oddly smitten. 

The bigger shock was going in the basement and seeing several 50-gallon drums filled 
with quarters. 

3. Jamie Gillis vs. John Leslie?
Knew them both. I met Jamie when he was dating young Amber Lynn in 1984. He would 
recite Shakespeare in over-the-top thespian style to the amusement of our coked-out 
brood (Jerry Butler, Buck Adams, me.)

As for John… too many memories. I worked with him the last two years of his life. 
I had breakfast with him and Joey Silvera two weeks prior to his last day. 

Jamie vs. John? John.

4. Your Favorite Genre of Stag Film?
Nudist Colony Volleyball Match. I love the conceit of nudist films and books as somehow 
being a lifestyle thing unrelated to pornography. “I love volleyball. Are the girls naked? 
I didn’t even notice!”

5. Linda Lovelace BioPic Casting
Linda Lovelace: Valerie Bertinelli
Linda Lovelace’s Mother?: Bonnie Franklin (duh!)
Evil Porn Pimp/Linda’s Old Man: Billy Bob Thornton as Chuck Traynor
Gloria Steinem: Young Jane Fonda
Secret Linda Lovelace Lesbian Lover: Susie Bright

 6. For Perfect Art House Masochism, make your case for the very best:
"Last Tango In Paris." Brando was shameless despite the shoddy script, direction, 
everything. 

The real rape was Maria Schneider’s letdown after the promise of a lead opposite Brando 
that turned into that piece of crap. After she shot Brando, she should have shot Bertolucci.

7. Name One Classic Element of Swedish Erotica
The scarf. Credit Noel Bloom for the branding savvy. I love Noel. We still keep in touch.

8. Who's your favorite sex symbol who keeps turning up in the oddest places?
I may regret answering this… 

I loved Kay Lenz in the early 1970’s. Think “Breezy” with William Holden, “Rich Man Poor
 Man,” etc. I ended up meeting her six years ago through mutual friends. 
I didn’t recognize “Kay” until she wrote down her name and I was so nonplussed 
because I didn’t want her to know she had been the object of my fantasy when I was 12 
years old.

 I’ve seen her several times since then and I’ve been able to let it go. She doesn’t know 
and I pray she doesn’t read this. I’m quite sure she doesn’t even know what industry I’m 
in.

 9. What is Your Porn Star Name?
Radames Chandeleur… My mother Aida named the dog “Radames” for obvious operatic 
reasons. The street was Chandeleur Drive in San Pedro.  

10. What Do The Following Five Films Have in Common?
I distributed them all when I ran Catalina Video.

11. Annette Haven vs. Seka?
Annette Haven.

 12. Not the Bradys vs Who's Nailin’ Palin
I hate all those porn parodies, save for one that I produced, “Edward Penishands.”

13. What is Your Favorite Sex-Drenched Vampire Movie? 
I work for John Stagliano, so I have to say “Voracious” (releases September 2012.)

14. What Was the First Nude Scene That Made an Impression on You?
I had already seen lots of pornography by the time I was 12, and I fantasized about Kay 
Lenz who had a nude scene in “Breezy,” but none of those got to me like Susan 
Sarandon’s nude scenes in “Pretty Baby” when I was 17. That one touched an Oedipal 
nerve. Sarandon, Faye Dunaway, Jacqueline Bisset, are a source of lust to this day. 

 15. Name Your Most Esteemed Cross-Over Director
Tom DeSimone, a great guy who directed “Reform School Girls” and many movies for me
 when I ran Catalina. His license plate used to read “X TO R”.

16. Who's Your Favorite Cross-Over Star?
I talk to Rocco Siffredi at least twice a week so I gotta say Rocco. By the way, fix your 
spelling: it’s two “f”s and one “d”.

17. What was first and last X-rated movie you saw in movie theater?
The first was the premiere of a William Higgins film at the Century Theater. I hired Edith 
Massey, the “egg lady” from the John Waters films to sing “Hey, Punks Get off the Lawn” 
as the pre-movie entertainment. We stayed friends until she died.
 
The second was also the last: The premiere of “Pirates 2” at the Orpheum Theater in 
downtown L.A. I sat between Samantha, one of the owner/producers of the film, and one
of my best friends, AVN founder Paul Fishbein, who is notoriously germophobic.

During the close-up of Belladonna spitting into Jesse Jane’s mouth, about 30 feet tall on
the screen, Paul started to gag and wretch while trying to hide behind me so Samantha 
wouldn’t notice.

In a strange twist of fate, I now live across the street from that theater. 

 18. Who's the Best Male Porn Star Who Played both "Gay" and "Straight"?
I met all of them, but only worked with Stryker and Mark Stevens. Even so, I have to say
 Jack Wrangler was the best -- a gentleman, smart, sophisticated. Read his book. 

If it’s about the dick, then it’s John Holmes, although Stryker was more aggressive. 
Stryker once pulled me through a car window in a fit of rage. It’s a miracle he didn’t kill 
me. I can be persuasive under pressure.

 19. Ginger Lynn vs. Bree Olsen
Ginger. It was a different time. “Stars” don’t really happen anymore.

20.   Plugz vs. Wall of Voodoo
 I liked WoV, but Plugz were one of my all-time favorites. Tito Larriva, Tony Marsico and
 Chalo Quintana were the lineup I saw live so many times when they shared the bill with 
my brother’s band. 

Tito has elan. Listen to his “La Flor De Mal” recorded by the Plugz after they became 
“Los Cruzados”. Los Angeles Mexi-punks. Their breakneck version of “La Bamba” proved 
that punk could occur in any culture, with any musical idiom.  

 23. What could a sex film director do right this minute to give you an incredible 
thrill?
Capture the magical sexiness of Sophia Loren doing a strip tease in “Ieri, Oggi, Domani” 
(“Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.”)

21. Did You See the following "household name" porn films?
I never saw “Insatiable”. The most memorable thing to me of any of them is Harry 
Reems’ ridiculous, accented portrayal of the doctor in “Deep Throat.” I just thought it was
stupid.

I love the story about John Lennon sneaking into the AVCO theater in Westwood to see 
Deep Throat. He left after twenty minutes and as far as anyone knows, he was never 
interested in pornography again.

 22. Depending on your mood, what is your favorite or least-loved erotic/porn movie
 cliché?
The funky wah-wah guitar music. It can be either.

24. Best post-feminist erotic/porn flick you’ve seen yet?
 I don’t like any of them.

25. Were there any adult films that you were initially excited about, only to be 
disappointed with?
Many of the ones I produced or worked on fit the bill… None disappointed me as much as 
“Female Aggressors” by Paul Norman, although “The Dream Team” by Jim Enright was 
also horrible. “Westside” by Ren Savant had great moments but ultimately disappointed 
me, too. I guess I’ve made some real crap through the years. 
 
26. On a more positive note, did you encounter any films that you went into 
expecting the worst and walked out being pleasantly surprised?
“Miscreants” by Rob Black. I wanted to hate it. I loved it for reasons too complicated to 
explain.

27. Who is your Dream Team for the ultimate erotic movie?
Having produced a cinematic piece of dreck named “Dream Team,” I will observe the 
show-biz tradition of leaving something on the editing floor. In this case, it’s the answer 
to the previous question.


Photo Credit: Honey Lee Cottrell, of Susie and Christian in late 80s. When Christian's ex 
was incinerating his old photo scrapbook, she spared this photo because she said it was 
"different." It certainly was.  (xoxoxo, 4ever).

The Legendary Richard Pacheco Answers Susie’s Movie Porn Quiz

 

Get in. Sit down. Hold On. Shut up.

A letter to Susie from XRCO Hall-of-Fame Actor Richard Pacheco:

Mi’lady, 

OKAY! I have buttoned on my thinking cap and for the 3rd time took 

on your questionnaire.  

I HAVE BEEN ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS FOR THE LAST THREE HOURS!  

(Applying to Harvard didn't take this long.)

I've done this because you asked.  Also because I have some serious editing minutia of my own work that I chose to avoid after flailing so miserably in my attempts to take on your quiz yesterday. 

I think you may be tickled by my answer to your very last question, but don't cheat.  Read on and wait 'til you get there.

xoxo. 

The Once and Future Pacheco, 

Howie Gordon

 

1. The First Time You Peered Into a Peep Show— What Did You See? 

NUMBER ONE at the Penny Arcade, Kennywood Amusement Park in Pittsburgh, PA.

 

2.  Jamie Gillis vs. John Leslie?

For what?  The question must be asked. I've worked with both. 

Each man:

"...had powers far beyond those of mortal men...could leap tall buildings with a single bound..."  

John was more of a big brother to me. Jamie was like royalty.  

Like what Captain Kirk did with the "Kobyashi Maru" problem of STAR TREK, I reject the premise. Without more focus on what the choice would be for, I will not make one.

 

3. Your Favorite Genre of Stag Film?

I'd go for Candy Barr and then the Nudist Colonoy and I'd turn off the projector for the US Navy Enema how-to

 

4. Linda Lovelace BioPic Casting

Linda Lovelace?   Bette Davis

Linda Lovelace’s Mother?   Minnie Pearl

Evil Porn Pimp/Linda’s Old Man?   Jamie Gillis

Gloria Steinem?   Gloria Steinem

Secret Linda Lovelace Lesbian Lover?   Marilyn Chambers

 

5. For Perfect Art House Masochism, make your case for the very best:

a) Bunuel: Belle de Jour?  -  NOT ENOUGH SKIN

b) Bertolucci: Last Tango in Paris?  -  COULD IT POSSIBLY BE MORE DEPRESSING?

 c) McQueen: Shame?  -  NEVER SAW IT

 

6. Name One Classic Element of Swedish Erotica

I was just starting out in the business then.  I never met these guys.  Eyelo or Milo and Otis, or something like that.  They never called. They never hired me.  Fuck 'em.

 

7. Who's your favorite sex symbol who keeps turning up in the oddest places?

 Me.  I didn't expect to find myself here. I have work to do on my own damn book,  "Hindsight," which I'm sure you'd all love to read, but here I am now answering all these questions because who can say "No" to Susie Bright?

 

8. What is Your Porn Star Name?

If I went by your formula, I’d have been "Ginger Coltart." But on my own, I came up with: McKINLEY HOWARD, MACK HOWARD, MARK HOWARD, DEWEY ALEXANDER... and then the one that stuck: RICHARD PACHECO.

 

9. What Do The Following  Five Films Have in Common?

Peter Berlin in That Boy

Boys in the Sand

LA Plays Itself, by Fred Halsted

The Idol

Pleasure Beach

—I WASN'T CAST IN ANY OF THEM.

 

10. Annette Haven vs. Seka?

  Both, thank you very much, and it’s been my pleasure! A pair of queens!

 

11. Not the Bradys vs. Who's Nailin’ Palin?

Haven’t seen either one. I’m retired. I watch Sportscenter and overeat now.

 

12. What is Your Favorite Sex-Drenched Vampire Movie?  

It hasn’t been made yet. It’s the Anne Rice story where Lestat falls in love with the evangelist. I adore Anne Rice.  

 

13. What Was the First Nude Scene That Made an Impression on You?

I AM CURIOUS YELLOW

 

14. Name Your Most Esteemed Cross-Over Director

a) Roger Watkins, "Last House on Dead End Street" horror director who worked in XXX as Richard Mahler

b) Gary Graver, Orson Welle's D.P., who directed in XXX as Robert McCallum

c) Joyce Snyder, directed XXX "Raw Talent" and horror film "Pledge Night" 

I worked with Gary Graver a couple of times. I liked him. He was sane. That was a big plus for an x-rated director.

 

15. Who's Your Favorite Cross-Over Star? Pick One Male, One Female Lead

Female: Mary Louise Parker and Nancy Reagan; It’s a tie!

Male:  Me. I had a bit part in Bartleby. My second choice: Sylvester Stallone. 

 

16. What was first and last X-rated movie you saw in movie theater?

 The first was I am Curious Yellow.

 The last was Nothing to Hide.

 

17. Who's the Best Male Porn Star Who Played both "Gay" and "Straight"?

 I’m not really qualified to render a verdict, but Jack Wrangler and I were both given lifetime achievement awards from the Free Speech Coalition on the same night. I enjoyed the backstage chatter with him, so he gets my vote.  

Bonus Points: Speculate why all these men were known spectacularly for their penis dimensions, more so than their bisexual roles.

Jack Wrangler: Never saw his pecker.

John Holmes: I did see his puppy in action on several occasions. The man carried a nuclear weapon in the battle of the sexes.

Marc Stevens:  Wasn’t he Mr. 10½?

 

18. Ginger Lynn vs. Bree Olsen 

Who’s Bree Olsen? I mated with the dinosaurs, I guess.  She must have come along after I was extinct. 

Ginger Lynn was cute as a button.

 

19.   Plugz vs. Wall of Voodoo?

I never heard of either one. For music, I liked Paul Thomas and Al Jolson; John Leslie, too. 

 

20. Did You See the following "household name" porn films? In theater or on video, DVD? Which is memorable?

Devil In Miss Jones: Saw it a theater. Freaked me out! Went in seeking some hot innocent fucking and saw a woman slitting her wrists in the bathtub and fighting for her soul with the Devil. Yo, I was not ready for that!

Deep Throat: In a theater. Stupid, stupid, and STUPID.

Behind the Green Door: Theater. Not bad at all. 

Insatiable:  I was IN this one. I loved it, except for getting a mouthful of gasoline when I was getting a blowjob from Marilyn. —You’ll have to read my book. 

 

21. Depending on your mood, what is your favorite or least-loved erotic/porn movie cliché?

My favorite “cliché” is a woman turning her back to the camera, bending over and slowly pulling down her panties. My involuntary gasps ensue...

My least favorite is a woman faking arousal, licking her lips, and mindlessly babbling, “oooh baby, ooohh baby.” Time to fast forward.

22. What could a sex film director do right this minute to give you an incredible thrill?

Send me a big check and a thank-you note.

23. Best post-feminist erotic/porn flick you’ve seen yet?

I was in a Candida Royalle movie with Nina Hartley called Sensual Escape. So, I abstain.                                                                                 -

24. Who is your Dream Team for the ultimate erotic movie?

Susie Bright waits in a crowd by the stage door for John Leslie to emerge.  Actors and actresses come out, but none of them are John.  

Gradually, the crowd thins out leaving Susie alone with her pen and pad.  

She had hoped to interview John.  She had hoped for a whole lot more.

Richard Pacheco emerges from the stage door.  Susie recognizes him 

from all the movies in which he's co-starred with John.

"Is John still in there?" she asks.

"No," he answers. John left a long time ago. He went with Jamie to 

the race track."

"Ohh!" she says dejectedly. She was so hoping to be with him. "He 

was supposed to give me an interview!"  she said. She looked so crestfallen.

"I'll give you an interview," Pacheco said, "...if you want."

It caught her by surprise. Pacheco played "Lenny," the retarded sidekick, she thought. He was not even from the same galaxy as that of the dashing John Leslie.  

"C'mon,” Pacheco said, "Let me buy you a cup of coffee!”

And that's how it started. . . . 

The movie was written by Candida Royalle and directed by Veronica Hart. 

The music was composed by James Taylor and Little Richard.  

Paul Thomas and John Leslie did vocals.  

Vincent Fronczek, Robert Altman, Jackie Gireaux, Paul Johnson, Suze Randall and Annie Sprinkle shot stills.  

Joao was the camerman. Bryan Costales was the set designer.  John Seeman was the Production Manager.  

Anthony Spinelli was the producer. John Leslie also catered the production.

Susie Bright and Richard Pacheco played the lead roles with a cast that included Rudolph Valentino, Seka, Julie Christie, Kay Parker, Marilyn  Monroe, Annette Haven, Vanessa Del Rio, Benjamin Franklin, Kelly Nichols, Mike Horner, Jerry Butler, Eric Edwards, Nina Hartley, Ginger Rogers, Fess Parker, Shanna Grant, Stubby Kaye, Fanny Bryce, Desiderius Erasmus, Marianna Beck, Carol Queen, Jon Martin, Jesie St. James, Sharon Kane, Roberto Clemente, Tigr, and Randy West.

And introducing Joey Silvera as Ron Jeremy.

 

Photo: Howie and Marilyn, from Insatiable days, courtesy of Gordon Archive.

You may not be Richard Pacheco but you sure can have fun taking the quiz, too! 

Professor Susie Bright's Brazenly Cinephallic, Unapologetically Vulvacious, Vintage Porn Quiz

I sit upon a lonely thone in a singular Hall of Fame: The X-Rated Critics, 5th Estate Division.

It is a rather solitary honor, as there are few people who've reviewed and critiqued erotic film ephemera for decades without spontaneous combustion.

Last year, I published the first volume of my vintage porn memoirs: The Erotic Screen. For those of you who love sleepers, high-low-brow erotic 35mm, the glory days of glory holes, I know it is a special treat.

Now it's time for everyone to share.

Behold the digestif —The first "Brazenly Cinephallic, Unapologetically Vulvacious" Porn Quiz," a game of memory and sweat-soaked splendor that will test your literary and celluoid wits to their limit.

I dare you to get lost in a thousand peep show wet dreams. Give me your HD money shot. Drown in erotic nostalgia— the very best kind.

How to Play

This is a parlour game, for our mutual amusement and edification. There are no "right" answers, just juicy ones.

Feel free to research questions you don't have immediate opinions on— or skip to those you do!  It's best to settle into our quiz like a good bedtime story or a drive-in movie night. 

There are two ways to publish your replies:

1. On your own blog... send us the link in the Comments section below!

or

2. Write your heart out in the Comments Section below. When you answer the quiz, be sure to copy and paste the questions, along with your answers— so readers will not have to constantly scroll up and down referencing what you're talking about! 

Inspiration

I was provoked to compose this quiz by the legendary Dennis "There's Nothing Wrong with That" Cozallio, master of the Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule movie blog, who has posted an array of brilliant movie quizzes for years, in this same vein.

As Dennis says:

"We value your your honesty but equally so your loquaciousness, your willingness to participate elaborately.Answers are always much more fun to read if they go beyond the simple one or two-word response. Your logorrhea will not be punished here, only your reticence."

Prizes

Got your blue pencil ready? Everyone who posts answers to at least 20 of my questions will receive a free copy of The Erotic Screen (email me for your freebie, along with the link to your quiz notes or comments!) 

 

1.Pick Or Choose Your Favorite Porn Quote: 

The Quotes

A. “Sweden: Heaven and Hell was probably the best sexploitation soundtrack ever made, but was anybody listening?”

Jim Holliday, Only the Best, 1986

B. “I prefer theaters in which men strip completely bare-ass in the balcony and slouch down in their chairs with one foot on the chair in front of them, whilst other man crawl up up the balcony steps on all fours, meaningfully.”

Boyd McDonald, Cruising the Movies, 1985

C. “Then she says, 'Now dig this,' she says...” and he broke up laughing, a strange rasping laugh for maybe the fourth time since he started what was shaping up to be an interminable story, “...she says: 'Listen, who do I have to fuck to get OFF this picture??'

"And he began his final laugh, his boss laugh, the kind that quickly, smoothly, turns into a monstro cough." 

Terry Southern, Blue Movie, 1970

D.  “No matter what kind of porn movie you make, the audience must always believe the actors are getting off.”

Stewart Ziplow, The Filmmakers Guide to Pornography, 1977

E. “The East Coast has always lagged far behind in the production of sex films, probably due to the lack of experienced people willing to work in this area, plus not enough free-swinging girls.” 

William Rotsler, Contemporary Erotic Cinema, 1973

 

2. The First Time You Peered Into a Peep Show— What Did You See?

"Peep Show," Noun: 

1. a sequence of pictures viewed through a lens or hole set into a

    box, traditionally offered as a public entertainment 

2. An erotic or pornographic film or show viewed from a coin-operated booth

 

 

3. Jamie Gillis vs. John Leslie ?

4. Your Favorite Genre of Stag Film?

a) Typical Nudist Colony Volleyball Match

b) Candy Barr stripping in Smart Aleck

c) How To Deliver an Enema, a US Navy Production 

5. Linda Lovelace BioPic Casting

In the two new Linda Lovelace flicks coming out, several actors have already cycled on and off the casting roles, including Adrian Brody, Demi Moore, Amanda Seyfried, Lindsay Lohan, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matt Dillon, Mary Louise Parker. 

Forget them. 

Who would you cast— living or dead, porn star or A-List— to play:

Linda Lovelace? 

Linda Lovelace’s Mother?

Evil Porn Pimp/Linda’s Old Man?

Gloria Steinem?

Secret Linda Lovelace Lesbian Lover?

 

6. For Perfect Art House Masochism, make your case for the very best:

a) Bunuel: Belle de Jour

b) Bertolucci: Last Tango in Paris

c) McQueen: Shame

 

7. Name One Classic Element of Swedish Erotica

 (Wanna cheat? Go here.) 

 

8. Who's your favorite sex symbol who keeps turning up in the oddest places?

It’s hard to name many actresses like Patti D’Arbanville, below, who has done sex and Hollywood and soap opera with much aplomb— and years without respite.

Patti was discovered by Warhol at 13. At 17, starred in Flesh by Paul Morrissey and Warhol; Bilitis, David Hamilton; Big Wednesday, John Milius; and the TV series Charlie’s Angels, and Rescue Me.) 

 

9. What is Your Porn Star Name?

Mine is "Lady McGee."  

Here's how to decipher yours:

Your First Name = Name of First Pet You Remember

Your Last Name =  Name of First Street You Lived On

Put it together and you have something legends are made of.

"Smart Aleck," starring Candi Barr

10. What Do The Following  Five Films Have in Common?

Peter Berlin in That Boy

Boys in the Sand

LA Plays Itself, by Fred Halsted

The Idol

Pleasure Beach

Peter Berlin in his usual street attire

11. Annette Haven vs. Seka?

12. Not the Bradys vs Who's Nailin’ Palin

 

13. What is Your Favorite Sex-Drenched Vampire Movie?  

14. What Was the First Nude Scene That Made an Impression on You?

Choose a scene from a movie-- not illustration or still photograph.

Maria Schneider and Marlon Brando in Bertolucci's "Last Tango in Paris"

 

15. Name Your Most Esteemed Cross-Over Director

 Roger Watkins, "Last House on Dead End Street" horror director who worked in XXX as Richard Mahler

Gary Graver, Orson Welle's D.P., who directed in XXX as Robert McCallum

Joyce Snyder, directed XXX "Raw Talent" and horror film "Pledge Night" 

Roger Wakins in editing room

16. Who's Your Favorite Cross-Over Star? Pick One Male, One Female Lead

So many casual viewers believe porn and civilian-Hollywood never cross paths, but quite the opposite is true. There are dozens of distinguished cross-over actors, of which I've just selected a few for your difficult decision-making.

Female Lead

Marilyn Chambers, Rabid

Traci Lords, Crybaby

Carol Conners, The Gong Show

Sasha Grey, The Girlfriend Experience

Male Lead

Paul Thomas, Jesus Christ Superstar

Aldo Rey, from G-rated Green Berets to X-rated Sweet Savage

Rocco Siffredi, Anatomy of Hell

Ron Jeremy, Orgazmo

Spauling Grey, the X-rated Farmer's Daughter

Paul Thomas as The Apostle Peter

"Rabid," by David Cronenberg,starring Marilyn Chambers

Aldo Ray in "The Green Berets

Rocco Siffredi in Breillat's "Anatomy of Hell"

Ron Jeremy, in Matt Stone and Trey Parker's "Orgazmo"

Traci Lords, in John Waters' "Crybaby" 

Spaulding Grey in "The Farmer’s Daughters

Sasha Grey star of contemporary porn video and female lead in Steven Soderburgh's "The Girlfriend Experience."

 

Carol Connors made 20 hardcore films in the Golden Age, starred in the Gong Show in 70’s, and is the mother of Thora Burch.

 

17. What was first and last X-rated movie you saw in movie theater?

18. Who's the Best Male Porn Star Who Played both "Gay" and "Straight"?

Bonus Points: Speculate why all these men were known spectacularly for their penis dimensions, more so than their bisexual roles.

Jack Wrangler

John Holmes

Marc Stevens

Jeff Stryker (imitating Aldo Ray, come to think of it, in "Stryker Force")

Jack Wrangler

19. Ginger Lynn vs. Bree Olsen 

20.   Plugz vs. Wall of Voodoo

There are two contenders for Best Song Recorded for an Original XXX Soundtrack.

They are both New Wave classics. Listen and defend your favorite!

 

Plugz, New Wave Hookers 

 

 

Wall of Voodoo, Nightdreams

23. What could a sex film director do right this minute to give you an incredible thrill?

 Forget ratings and just think your "perfect world."

Gerard Damiano: Deep Throat, Memories Within Miss Aggie, Devil in Miss Jones. "Discovered" Annie Sprinkle. Not bad!

 

21. Did You See the following "household name" porn films? In theater or on video, DVD, or streaming? Which is memorable?

 Devil In Miss Jones

Deep Throat

Behind the Green Door

Insatiable 

Georgina Spelvin in the opening scene of "Devil in Miss Jones"

22. Depending on your mood, what is your favorite or least-loved erotic/porn movie cliché?

My friend Spain says it's the neck scarf that was ubiquitously worn by Swedish Erotica peepshow loop girls.

Poster for "Behind the Green Door," by the Mitchell Brothers, starring former Ivory Snow cover model, Marilyn Chambers

24. Best post-feminist erotic/porn flick you’ve seen yet?

This could include Candida Royalle, the lesbian videos from Fatale, the Crash Pad series, Tristan Taormino's work for Stagliano and Vivid, SIR Video's Bend Over Boyfriend— or anything you might have seen posted in the Toronto Feminist porn awards.

Fatale Videos' "Bend Over Boyfriend"

 25. Were there any adult films that you were initially excited about, only to be disappointed with?

Bambi Woods in "Debbie Does Dallas"

 26. On a more positive note, did you encounter any erotic films that you went into expecting the worst and walked out being pleasantly surprised?

Japanese box cover for "Memories of Miss Aggie," by Gerard Damiano

 

27. Last One: Who is your Dream Team for the ultimate erotic movie?

(Actors, actresses, directors, writers, composers, etc.)

 

It took me 25 years to write, index, and video-hyperlink my book The Erotic Screen— a handy reference if you're trying to research this quiz! It took about six months to compose and design this blog post, with Dennis' encouragment. Thank you to all the artists who've been a part of my long strange night at the movie theater! Can't wait to see your replies...

The Nun Movie Quiz Takes Flight!

My answers to Sister Clodagh's Superficially Spiritual, Ambitiously Agnostic Last Rites of Spring Movie Quiz:

1) Favorite movie featuring nuns?

Sound of Music. Sue me.

 

 

2) Second favorite John Frankenheimer movie?

Ronin.

3) William Bendix or Scott Brady?

William Bendix, cause of Lifeboat, but the religious-connection baffles me!

4) What movie, real or imagined, would you stand in line six hours to see? Have you ever done so in real life?

Funny you should ask, because I started to do just that for The Exorcist in Westwood Village, but ended up smoking a joint with my friends and wandering off. I never did see that movie.

5) Favorite Mitchell Leisen movie?

Death Takes a Holiday.

 

6) Ann Savage or Peggy Cummins?

Ann Savage, for Detour. Here's the whole movie, and it's worth it from beginning to end:

 

 

7) First movie you remember seeing as a child?

Island of the Blue Dolphins, a story about a virtuous and brave young woman on her own. 

8) What moment in a movie that is not a horror movie made you want to bolt from the theater screaming?

Stella Dallas.

Almost any weepie. I can take anything but weepies.

9) Richard Widmark or Robert Mitchum?

Oh, I can't, it's a draw. I've seen a lot more of Mitchum, but Widmark in PickUp on South Street, alone, is unforgettable.

Are they in this nunny-contest because they both appeared in The Wild West with Sally Field making her debut?

10) Best movie Jesus?

Peter O'Toole in The Ruling Class

 

11) Silliest straight horror film that you’re still fond of

The Omen

12) Emily Blunt or Sally Gray?

Both beautiful English women, but I am only familiar with Blunt's work. I certainly hope she doesn't have to go through was poor Sally endured... the Hollywood nervous breakdown.

13) Favorite cinematic Biblical spectacular

East of Eden, if you really think about it.

 

14) Favorite cinematic moment of unintentional humor

The Ten Commandments, the whole thing.

15) Michael Fassbender or David Farrar?

Mikey and I have been deeply involved since Fish Tank. Please don't tell the tabloids.

16) Most effective faith-affirming movie?

To Kill a Mockingbird.

The ultimate white liberal answer. But still.

 

 

17) Movie that makes the best case for agnosticism

Planet of the Apes.

18) Favorite song and/or dance sequence from a musical

Addams Family Values.

 

 

19) Third favorite Howard Hawks movie

The Big Sleep.

 

20) Clara Bow or Jean Harlow?

Jean Harlow cuz she's so tuff.

 

 

21) Movie most recently seen in the theater? On DVD/Blu-ray/Streaming?

Marley

The Wizard of Oz, for Easter.

22) Most unlikely good movie about religion

The Life of Brian.

23) Phil Silvers or Red Skelton?

Phil Silvers. Red was a rightwing nut case.

24) “Favorite” Hollywood scandal

It's a toss-up between Pee Wee Herman and Lana Turner's daughter.

 

25) Best religious movie (non-Christian)

A Serious Man

 

26) The King of Cinema: King Vidor, King Hu or Henry King?

Henry King, for the Song of Bernadette.

 

 

27) Name something modern movies need to relearn how to do that American or foreign classics had down pat 

Eroticism, sexual originality.

28) Least favorite Federico Fellini movie

The one with the cut-outs, where everyone was on a boat.

29) The Three Stooges (2012)—yes or no?

*Shudder.*

30) Mary Wickes or Patsy Kelly?

Patsy Kelly, sticking her tongue out at Mia Farrow.

 

 

31) Best movie-related conspiracy theory

I *love* conspiracy movies, and I found a great list of them. But my bent is toward political conspiracy, not religious. Anything with a Nixon connection is always good. All the Presidents Men!

 

32) Your candidate for most misunderstood or misinterpreted movie

Renaldo and Clara, director's cut 

33) Movie that made you question your own belief system (religious or otherwise)

The Fog of War. It wasn't my belief system falling apart, but I was moved watching McNamara's meltdown.

Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte. Could people really be so awful?

 

 

(Sex) Crimes Against Nature: How Lovers Take Revenge With Dildo Abuse

There's a lesbian crime wave sweeping the country and not one local news program has the guts to cover it: sex toy vandalism. My phone has become a hotline of sorts for victims whose harnesses have been hijacked, whose rubber novelties have been mutilated.

Just last night a dear friend called to say that she and her lover had their camping trip ruined when someone entered their tent and snatched their black bag full of sex toys: two hundred dollars worth, she said— not an uncommon price for a vibrator, dildo, harness, and lube.

My friends did the right thing: they indignantly reported their loss to the park ranger. Might he be a suspect? These vicious robberies are underreported, but the problem isn't going to go away by keeping it a secret.

My advice? Especially at the big parks, like Grand Canyon and Yellowstone, keep your dick strapped on at all times, and your vibrator attached to your canteen belt or day pack. You'll have more fun in the forest and you won't have any nagging worries about what's going down at base camp.

The more familiar type of vandalism I hear about is committed by someone you know very well—  an ex or a soon-to-be ex.

I'd like a show of hands as to how many of you have watched in horror as your lover picked up a butcher knife and hacked your rubber dick into a million pieces. Or worse, they do the dirty deed in private and then stuffed the remains into your pillowcase or the soles of your shoes. When you consider the prices we pay for these items, the humor quickly fades.

The partner who had the guts in the first place to walk into a sleazy adult store to buy the precious item is usually not the one who wrecks the toy. It seems that with a lot of couples, one partner stays in the car chewing her nails while the other one attempts to look like she knows what she's doing as she tiptoes into Frenchy’s Fantasy Fun Palace.

There is no reason why you shouldn't get to know your own local novelty store. "Bob" at the Fantasy Palace is no more threatening than the sales clerk at Walgreen's, and no one is going to make a pass at you.

The male customers in the sex store are more afraid of you than you are of them. Watch them cut a wide swath to get out of your way as you head toward the tit clamps. It's an awesome sense of power. I don't know why men can be so rude at a bus stop but then be absolutely speechless in a sex toy store, but that's the way it is.

Back to the problem of inter-relationship dildo abuse. Thwarting such expensive destruction takes more sensitivity and imagination than the vacation rip-off cases.

First off, consider whether you or your lover has a pent-up desire to carve up a rubber cock... 

Contined in Susie Sexpert's Lesbian Sex World, "Sex Crimes Against Nature"